2008: A Year in Review

Please don't think that I'm going to attempt something as lofty as a review of the year's big news stories (Obama says it all), the year in music (did ANYTHING big happen in music this year besides the multiple breakdowns of various pop-tarts, most of whom have no talent anyway?) or the year in art, theatre, community, et al...

This is strictly a review of MY year, my personal hell, the year that had me feeling like Queen Latifah in "Last Holiday", looking up at the sky, asking my Higher Power, "seriously? are you fucking with me?". Practically from January 1, 2008, you could find me asking people (on a fairly regular basis) to just "wake my ass up in 2009" and screaming for Murphy to "get off my fuckin' doorstep!" (Note: Murphy = Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong, WILL.)

Numerologists predicted that 2008 would be a year of change and, for the first fucking time in my experience, the little bastards were right. Change isn't always easy, nor is it always good. The changes that 2008 brught to MY life were fucking HARD, although I'm sure that somewhere the Goddess is laughing gently, and whispering, "its for the best, my daughter."

I should have known from Day One that this year was going to throw some major curves my way, when the guy who said I was his best friend told me he loved me and screwed me over in the same breath outside my house on New Year's Day. And had the audacity to sit in judgement of me for actions he himself had taken. But, I digress...

The rest of Janary brought more of the same; people who were supposedly my friends showing their true colors, and the beginning of a cataclysmic event that still hasn't reached complete culmination. However, January also brought new friends to me, solid people, mature people, people who, if they haven't run screaming yet, aren't likely to, and people who truly understand the concept of friendship.

The rest of the Winter was fairly quiet, save Saint Patrick's Day weekend, when someone from my past came back to haunt me, and his tempertantrum would serve to bite me in the ass months down the line.

Spring was when the year really took off. May 11th (Mother's Day!) my husband told me he was leaving me. Now, rather than stick to his normal, stoic "we'll talk about it later", this was the ONE FUCKING TIME in thirteen bloody years that Greg decided to open his mouth when I confronted him about what the hell was going on inside his head. Are you kidding me? Most of the time it was like pulling teeth to get that man to talk, let alone speak about his feelings, and MOTHER'S DAY, he decides he's going to open up? What the hell?

Needless to say, I fell apart. Jaime, Goddess bless her, flew out of her mother's house, drove to Rockaway, picked me up and took me to my sister's, who, by the way, had just gotten her long-term girlfriend to move out the week before. (Our poor mother. She told me if our brother says he's getting divorced, she's gonna need a rubber room.)

Little did I know it was about to get worse. Greg had met someone on Second Life and had been seeing her (I knew about that part - we had an open relationship, when it was convenient for him, anyway). What I didn't know was that this woman had become more than just a "side piece". He was in love with her. By mid July, she had moved in with him, with her son and MY SON. I was NOT a happy camper, especially considering I was STILL living with my sister. (Ever try getting an apartment as a single mother with no income which to speak of? It's not easy)

Of course, Fate wasn't done fucking with me, as far as my friends go. Danny, a.k.a. the Hemorrhoid, who swore he would always be my friend, and had in fact stuck by me through some pretty rough shit (i.e., the crap back in January), decided that the psycho bitch he was seeing was way more important than any of his friends. I became persona non grata, and another one bit the dust. It was pathetic. She had him so pussy-whipped, I could SEE the little lip-shaped marks on his skin. And it wasn't just me. He walked away from my sister, and eventually Jaime washed her hands as well.

So August brought me my new apartment and a new school year and severe lack of funds. Greg seemed to think that by giving me the money from last year's tax refund and $150 every other month, I'd be able to survive til graduation. Ummm... NOT! He kept telling me to get a job, and I kept telling him I'm not Saint Anthony. I can't be in two places at once. I can't be at school and a job, nor can I be home taking care of my son at night and at a job. So October brought the ball rolling for legalities regarding child support.

November brought my son into a downward spiral like I've never seen before. His grades dropped, he became paranoid, and had MAJOR transference-guilt issues. He'd had a lot to deal with; his father and I separating, bouncing between two houses every month (not my idea), his father moving his new girlfriend and her son in (something I objected to), that girlfriend losing custody of her son... an adult would have difficulty coping... try being ten. Turned out he wants to live with me full time. Of course, he could have told me that before I agonized for weeks that he was going to hate me for filing for custody. Would have made my life a whole lot easier.

The holidays haven't been easy. Its all new to me, adjusting to being single for the first time in thirteen years. And of course, there have been other things thrown at me this year. My mother's illness, which, thank the gods, is easing thanks to the surgery that finally took place after the third try.

I've come to the conclusion this past year that the old cliche that women are more mature than men is just plain true. Women can certainly handle things better than men, anyway. The few partners I've had this year just couldn't handle it. They confuse sex with love and that's just not the way it is. And somehow I get accused of this. But I know where I stand, and can lay my head on my pillow knowing I've done nothing wrong.

I've discovered just what cowards people can be, and the horrible ends cowardice can lead to. I know how much of a threat my strength is to some people. I've found people who do not dabble in cowardice, nor do they play stupid little manipulative games. I have friends who appreciate strength, intelligence and honest in a person, and would never try to change me. They love me for me.

Everything this crappy year has thrown at me, I've handled. I've coped. I've survived. I am stronger now than I have ever been. 2008 can kiss my ass.

A Response to Ben Stein

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

--Ben Stein

"Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his god, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their "legislature" should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between church and State. Adhering to this expression of the supreme will of the nation in behalf of the rights of conscience, I shall see with sincere satisfaction the progress of those sentiments which tend to restore to man all his natural rights, convinced he has no natural right in opposition to his social duties." (Thomas Jefferson, 1802)

"We have solved, by fair experiment, the great and interesting question whether freedom of religion is compatible with order in government and obedience to the laws. And we have experienced the quiet as well as the comfort which results from leaving every one to profess freely and openly those principles of religion which are the inductions of his own reason and the serious convictions of his own inquiries." (Thomas Jefferson, 1808)

It's not that America has become an atheist state, but this country was founded on the principle of religious freedom (i.e. the Puritans escape during the English Civil War, and a number of religious groups from both France and Germany). The problem comes in when religion is shoved down your throat constantly, and is used as a "legitimate" reason for keeping mine and other people's rights from them.

Do I think "God" should be in the Pledge of Allegiance? Hell no. It wasn't when I was a kid. Do I think one should be able to practice their own faith without fear of ridicule or persecution from the law or anyone else in anyway? Hell yes. However, when our Commander in Chief uses the CHRISTIAN Bible as a guideline when deciding on non-sectarian LAW (i.e., gay marriage RIGHTS)... well, this strikes me as a problem.

If you believe, in your heart of hearts, that gay marriage is wrong, I don't fault you. However, why shouldn't gay couples be afforded the same rights as heterosexual couples? And I don't want to hear any of that nonsense about how civil unions give gay couples the same rights as a marriage. Does the term "separate but equal" ring any bells for anyone?

And what about abortion? The Bush Regime has been trying their hardest for eight years to overturn Roe v Wade. Thankfully, they've been unsuccessful. I understand if you don't believe in abortion. I personally would probably never have one myself, and I hope I never find myself having to make that decision, but I support a woman's right to choose. The government has NO RIGHT to tell me what to do with my body. With any luck, one of the first things Obama will do when he gets into office will be to sign the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA), and then MY rights to MY body are out of the MAN's hands.

Oh, and, Mr. Stein? The whole "it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees"? You're wrong.

People often ask me why I go "ape-shit" around the holidays, as my house often looks like Frosty and Rudolph threw up all over it. And the most common question I get asked is "why do you have a Christmas tree if you're Pagan?" The answer is I don't have a Christmas tree; I have a Yule tree. You fuckers stole it from us. (actually your ancestors stole it from our ancestors, but still... you get my drift...)

Think I'm kidding? For starters, watch for the History Channel special on it. They run it every year. Up until the late 1700s (I think) "Christmas" trees were BANNED in this country by the Puritans as being "too Pagan".

Early Germanic tribes would gather around a lit fir tree as a symbol of the return of the Light at Yule (the Winter Solstice).

Ancient Celts would chop down a fir tree - the only tree to survive the harsh winter - and it's base would become the Yule Log, while the rest of it was decorated with apples, for the Winter Solstice.

And, of course, there is the fact that the Catholic Church placed Christmas very specifically on the calendar, to coincide with the Rebirth of the Light (the Winter Solstice) in which the Goddess gives birth to the Sun.

A recent report was published that an astronomer in Australia used new computer software to chart the stars as they would have been in the year of Christ's birth, and it is scientifically impossible for him to have been born on December 25th. The software placed Christ's birth on June 17. Guess its time to send back those gifts, huh?

Homeschooling is still an option, right?

Like any mother, I've been having a lot of difficulty coming to grips with the fact that my baby is growing up. Sure, everyone teases me that soon my little boy will be taller than me, but reality gave me a swift but gut-wrenching bitchslap yesterday when my baby came home with his Junior High School applications. This process, of course, is far more elaborate now than it was when I went to Junior High twenty years ago, and it can be mind-spinning, for both the child and the parents.

However, I don't want to do to my child what was done to me, therefore I want him to have a lot of say in where he goes. Like his mother, my son is not a linear-thinking child, and thank the gods, there are a plethora of programs at good schools that focus on the arts.

That said, wherever he goes, I am going to worry. And no, I'm not a worrywart. My fears are founded and were reaffirmed today.

For Goddess' sake, I teach at a Junior High. I know exactly what these children are capable of, and I thought I'd heard everything. We've had kids thrown over desks, kids jumped after school (to the point of needing hospitalization), cops up at school questioning students. Today was the icing on the cake.

I have a student (I will call her Jane) who, for the most part, is a good student, but is the personification of the "rebellious teen". I always figured it was a front she put up for her peers. She has, on occasion, stormed out of the classroom, leaving me and my CT staring after her, forced to call the dean in, something we both LOATHE doing.

Today, Jane was just OFF. She didn't want to do the work, and was apparently feeling the pressure of being teased by her other teachers and classmates for the hickeys she was sporting. She flipped out and attempted to storm out. Again. I say attempted, because my CT blocked the door. Jane, in turn, stomped back to her seat and continually disrupted class to the point that her classmates reprimanded her, telling her to "cut it out because you're just digging yourself deeper".

In conversation with my CT after class, I learned that Jane has been a disciplinary case for quite awhile, ever since her mother passed away last year. This does not excuse her behavior, but it does give some insight into why she does what she does.

The worst was yet to come, however. I learned that she had been suspended for giving boys oral sex in the stairway.

What kind of environment have we created for our children? I didn't know that was at thirteen, which is how old Jane is. Where did we, as educators, go wrong? And this is the environment I'm sending my son into next year? What the hell am I thinking??

Love is Love...

Today, I'm sure, was a bittersweet day for gay and lesbian couples across the nation. In New Haven, Connecticut, Barbara Levine-Ritterman proudly held aloft the first same-sex marriage license issued in that state. For the first time, same-sex couples stood in the same line as heterosexual couples to await getting their marriage licenses.

According to the Associated Press, "The health department had new marriage applications printed that reflect the change. Instead of putting one name under "bride" and the other under "groom," couples will see two boxes marked "bride/groom/spouse." Connecticut voters could have opened the door to ending gay marriage last week by voting for a constitutional convention to amend the state's constitution, but the measure was defeated."

So what makes this bittersweet? This should be a day of rejoicing, a day of victory, right? And in a way, it is. But this victory comes on the tails of a heartbreaking defeat.

A week ago, the crushing reality of California's betrayal was just beginning to set in. Prop 8 was passed in California, overturning the Supreme Court's ruling allowing same-sex marriage, and thus invalidating hundreds of marriages in the process, including that of a dear friend of mine.

Sure, Californians voted yes on Prop 2, protecting the treatment of FARM ANIMALS, and ensuring THEIR rights, but what about the rights of human beings? The right to love and be loved by whomever makes you happy? Does it really affect you in anyway whether I marry a man or woman? Does it really affect you if my heart belongs to a Jack or a Jacqueline? No, it doesn't, just like I really could not care less if you were screwing Elizabeth Taylor upside-down from a ceiling fan, as long as you weren't putting either or yourself in PHYSICAL danger.

I may be Wiccan, but I am also, as my English professor puts it, a "recovering Catholic". Six years of Catholic education coupled with thirty one years of Catholic dogma shoved down your throat, and certain things stick with you. Like the fact that Jesus never said "God Hates Fags". In fact, he said "Love one another as I have loved you" (John 15:12). Nor did he say "Fags Burn In Hell". He said "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" (John 8:2-11). Jesus was one cool dude. He was the original hippie, all about peace and love, even as he was dying, asking God, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). So why do these people keep on hating other people in his name? One of these days, he IS going to come back, if only to curse these people out and say, "hey geniuses! I'd like my religion and my name back, thanks very much!"

Love is love. Love, in ALL its forms, makes the world a better place, and we'd be much better off as a society if we would just stop being judgmental morons.

Just some interesting things that have come my way...

These are some new laws that have been decided on as of last week's election:

Massachusetts Question 2

Decriminalize Marijuana
This proposed law would replace the criminal penalties for possession of one ounce or less of marijuana with a new system of civil penalties, to be enforced by issuing citations, and would exclude information regarding this civil offense from the state's criminal record information system. Offenders age 18 or older would be subject to forfeiture of the marijuana plus a civil penalty of $100. Offenders under the age of 18 would be subject to the same forfeiture and, if they complete a drug awareness program within one year of the offense, the same $100 penalty.


Option Vote% Total Votes
YES 65% 1,938,366
NO 35% 1,036,050

100 % Reporting

South Dakota Initiative 11

Abortion Ban
Currently a woman may obtain an abortion during the first 24 weeks of pregnancy. Beyond 24 weeks, abortions may be performed only if necessary to preserve the life or health of the woman. Measure 11 would prohibit all abortions performed by medical procedures or substances administered to terminate a pregnancy, except for: abortions medically necessary to prevent death or the serious risk of substantial and irreversible impairment of a major bodily organ or system of the woman; and abortions to terminate a pregnancy of less than 20 weeks resulting from rape or incest reported to law enforcement. When an abortion is performed as a result of reported rape or incest, the woman must consent to biological sampling from herself and the embryo or fetus for DNA testing by law enforcement. Measure 11 would allow the provision of contraception substances prior to the time pregnancy can be determined by conventional medical testing, or assistance in obtaining abortions in states where the procedure is legal. If approved, Measure 11 will likely be challenged in court and may be declared to be in violation of the United States Constitution. The State may be required to pay attorneys fees and costs.


Option Vote% Total Votes
YES 45% 167,295
NO 55% 206,312

100 % Reporting

Washington Initiative 1000

Medical Choice
This measure would permit terminally ill, competent, adult Washington residents medically predicted to die within six months, to request and self-administer lethal medication prescribed by a physician. The measure requires two oral and one written request, two physicians to diagnose the patient and determine the patient is competent, a waiting period, and physician verification of an informed patient decision. Physicians, patients and others acting in good faith compliance would have criminal and civil immunity.


Option Vote% Total Votes
YES 59% 942,261
NO 41% 663,945

55 % Reporting

So, in essence, people can buy pot, have abortions, and kill themselves if two doctors say its OK, but if I fall in love with a woman and want to marry her, I can't do it in, what, 48 out of 50 states? What bullshit.

The Times: They Are A-Changin' (written 11/5/08)

Everywhere you go today, the topic of conversation is the new President-Elect. My ten year old sent me a text at 7:58 this morning, before he left for school: "Did you get the news?", and my eighth graders were bubbling over with excitement as they filed into class about two minutes later. They were all giggly about the election, this Presidential race being the first one that will truly be embedded in their memories, and what a memory to have! The race of the first African American Presidential nominee versus the first female Vice Presidential nominee.

However, race and gender aside, I'm hoping what most people will come to realize is that race alone is NOT what decided this election. I am well aware that the mentally-stunted news media in this country didn't think to go to predominantly white neighborhoods and ask who THEY were voting for. Rather, they went for the sensationalized story, the one they'll eventually make biopic about, and went right to predominantly BLACK neighborhoods, or only aired the interviews with black people, and that shifted the focus of what Obama stands for to the color of his skin.

This election should NEVER have been about the color of his skin. It never should have been about Sarah Palin's $150,000 wardrobe, or Cindy McCain's pain killer addiction or anything else but who is best for the COUNTRY. And the country has spoken.

Yes, I'm sure that there are many people out there who voted based on race (black and white alike) and frankly, I disagree. Personally, I voted for Obama because I truly believe that he is the best choice for the presidency of the United States. He believes in what I believe in, for the most part, and, truth be told, McCain DIDN'T.

McCain was anti-choice, anti-sex-ed, anti-gay-rights, intent on keeping our presence in Iraq and a major part of the Power Elite. So was Sarah Palin, and she was a Creationist to boot. I literally got nauseous at the thought of the two of them in office, not to mention McCain's AGE. As the oldest President in HISTORY, we would have (more likely than not) ended up with a President Palin, at least for a time. No way.

However, thank the gods that reality will not come to be. And if anyone wants proof that this country has spoken and spoken LOUDLY, take a good look at the polls themselves. A lot of former "red" states are now "blue" states, and its not because of a sudden increase in black population! Take an in-depth look at the results for Senate elections, both Federal and Local. Democrats have won by a LARGE margin. The citizens of these United States are TIRED of the Republican regime. In New York alone, for the first time in FORTY years, Democrats control the State.

This was a decision of the people, by the people and for the people - the way it should be. If McCain had gotten in, sure, I'd be upset, but one, I'd still support him as my Commander-in-Chief, and two, I would WAIT to see what he was capable of before I even THOUGHT about starting on the whole we're-going-to-Hell-in-a-handbasket nonsense. Be a true American, support your President Elect, and consider yourself lucky to be living at one of the most amazing eras of our history.

On the Brink of History (written 11/4/08)

I have been resolutely staying the hell away from my television tonight, my aversion to it more pronounced tonight than it normally is. I'm trying desperately to avoid the election coverage that is bound to give me a massive panic attack every time I see a state turn red, while simultaneously inducing an uncontrollable, premature urge to jump for joy and break out the celebratory champagne each time another state turns blue.

However, this resolution does not seem to extend to keeping myself far away from my computer, with its seductive black buttons, glaring white screen, and that lovely little "reload" button at the very top of my browser. I've been compulsively reloading CNN's election coverage all night, delighting in Ohio's move to the "dark side" and soundly cursing each McCain projection. I honestly don't know how much more I can take, and with Hawaii six hours behind New York, I may just be up all night waiting for the results to be in.

I know that this election has been an intense one. I stood on line for 45 minutes this morning, waiting to cast my vote, though a lot of that was not due to the long line, but due to the many FIRST TIME voters out there who did not know how to work the ballot machine. I saw a lot of young kids who probably registered the day they turned eighteen, just like I did, standing in line, looking confused, excited and thoroughly terrified by the responsibility in their hands. Friends reported seeing lines wrapped around the block, and in some neighborhoods here in New York, lines were as long as a TWO HOUR WAIT this morning. And people waited - patiently, no complaining. In the 13 years I've been voting, I have never seen such a large, beautiful, and diverse turnout. And it did my heart SO good, especially seeing those of the younger generation exercising their RIGHT to a VOICE! The apathy of previous elections went out the proverbial window with this one, and I am so glad!

Having said all that, I realize that no matter who wins tonight - and with every fiber of my being, I am pulling for Obama/Biden - we are making history. Tomorrow morning, we will either have elected the very first black President or the very first female Vice President, neither of which I ever thought to see in my lifetime. Granted, I still believe Sarah Palin is an idiot, and I would rather have the Clintons' cat (what was his name? Socks?) making the decisions in the Oval Office than that "Maverick", but her nomination is still history-making event.

I do wish that this first female VP candidate had been someone more in-tune with what women in this country actually need and want, rather than someone who tried to appeal to the "mom-and-apple-pie" aspect of this country. I hate to tell you this, Sarah, but that mentality went out, for the most part, with Eisenhower, and that ridiculous winking habit of yours makes you look like you're about suffer a seizure.

The woman gives REAL hockey moms the willies, and she has absolutely no idea what it is like to be a "common" woman in this country. I know she has absolutely nothing in common with me, a single mom, trying to get through college, pay my rent, make ends meet, with enough medical problems to make Ripley's sit up and take notice, living on the outskirts of the projects, enough creditors to rival the National Debt, and working and/or going to school six days a week. Really, Sarah? You know what its like to be me? I doubt it. Walk a mile in my beat-up Converse All-Stars, honey, and then we'll talk.

It reminds me of when Bush Sr was campaigning and he went food shopping to prove he was a "man of the people". His handlers taped him, the whole bit. It was obvious that the man had never been food shopping in his entire life, because he stared in dumbfounded amazement at the "magic" of the barcode scanner at the grocery store! I'm pretty sure he'd have a stroke if he strolled on in to Pathmark now, and got a good ol' look at the - Heavens to Betsy! - self-scanners!! "You mean, you have to do ALL the work yourself?" "Yes, George, but we get in and out faster, because unlike you, we don't have time to waste idling on the golf course. We have to go put in a 16 hour work day to make ends meet."

Biden KNOWS what it's like to not know where you're going to get the money to pay your next bill. Obama KNOWS what it's like to grow up poor and become a success on through hard work, brains, talent and sheer will. Let the naysayers call them Socialists. I call them a breath of fresh air, what this country needs, and Gods help us all if they don't win.