2008: A Year in Review

Please don't think that I'm going to attempt something as lofty as a review of the year's big news stories (Obama says it all), the year in music (did ANYTHING big happen in music this year besides the multiple breakdowns of various pop-tarts, most of whom have no talent anyway?) or the year in art, theatre, community, et al...

This is strictly a review of MY year, my personal hell, the year that had me feeling like Queen Latifah in "Last Holiday", looking up at the sky, asking my Higher Power, "seriously? are you fucking with me?". Practically from January 1, 2008, you could find me asking people (on a fairly regular basis) to just "wake my ass up in 2009" and screaming for Murphy to "get off my fuckin' doorstep!" (Note: Murphy = Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong, WILL.)

Numerologists predicted that 2008 would be a year of change and, for the first fucking time in my experience, the little bastards were right. Change isn't always easy, nor is it always good. The changes that 2008 brught to MY life were fucking HARD, although I'm sure that somewhere the Goddess is laughing gently, and whispering, "its for the best, my daughter."

I should have known from Day One that this year was going to throw some major curves my way, when the guy who said I was his best friend told me he loved me and screwed me over in the same breath outside my house on New Year's Day. And had the audacity to sit in judgement of me for actions he himself had taken. But, I digress...

The rest of Janary brought more of the same; people who were supposedly my friends showing their true colors, and the beginning of a cataclysmic event that still hasn't reached complete culmination. However, January also brought new friends to me, solid people, mature people, people who, if they haven't run screaming yet, aren't likely to, and people who truly understand the concept of friendship.

The rest of the Winter was fairly quiet, save Saint Patrick's Day weekend, when someone from my past came back to haunt me, and his tempertantrum would serve to bite me in the ass months down the line.

Spring was when the year really took off. May 11th (Mother's Day!) my husband told me he was leaving me. Now, rather than stick to his normal, stoic "we'll talk about it later", this was the ONE FUCKING TIME in thirteen bloody years that Greg decided to open his mouth when I confronted him about what the hell was going on inside his head. Are you kidding me? Most of the time it was like pulling teeth to get that man to talk, let alone speak about his feelings, and MOTHER'S DAY, he decides he's going to open up? What the hell?

Needless to say, I fell apart. Jaime, Goddess bless her, flew out of her mother's house, drove to Rockaway, picked me up and took me to my sister's, who, by the way, had just gotten her long-term girlfriend to move out the week before. (Our poor mother. She told me if our brother says he's getting divorced, she's gonna need a rubber room.)

Little did I know it was about to get worse. Greg had met someone on Second Life and had been seeing her (I knew about that part - we had an open relationship, when it was convenient for him, anyway). What I didn't know was that this woman had become more than just a "side piece". He was in love with her. By mid July, she had moved in with him, with her son and MY SON. I was NOT a happy camper, especially considering I was STILL living with my sister. (Ever try getting an apartment as a single mother with no income which to speak of? It's not easy)

Of course, Fate wasn't done fucking with me, as far as my friends go. Danny, a.k.a. the Hemorrhoid, who swore he would always be my friend, and had in fact stuck by me through some pretty rough shit (i.e., the crap back in January), decided that the psycho bitch he was seeing was way more important than any of his friends. I became persona non grata, and another one bit the dust. It was pathetic. She had him so pussy-whipped, I could SEE the little lip-shaped marks on his skin. And it wasn't just me. He walked away from my sister, and eventually Jaime washed her hands as well.

So August brought me my new apartment and a new school year and severe lack of funds. Greg seemed to think that by giving me the money from last year's tax refund and $150 every other month, I'd be able to survive til graduation. Ummm... NOT! He kept telling me to get a job, and I kept telling him I'm not Saint Anthony. I can't be in two places at once. I can't be at school and a job, nor can I be home taking care of my son at night and at a job. So October brought the ball rolling for legalities regarding child support.

November brought my son into a downward spiral like I've never seen before. His grades dropped, he became paranoid, and had MAJOR transference-guilt issues. He'd had a lot to deal with; his father and I separating, bouncing between two houses every month (not my idea), his father moving his new girlfriend and her son in (something I objected to), that girlfriend losing custody of her son... an adult would have difficulty coping... try being ten. Turned out he wants to live with me full time. Of course, he could have told me that before I agonized for weeks that he was going to hate me for filing for custody. Would have made my life a whole lot easier.

The holidays haven't been easy. Its all new to me, adjusting to being single for the first time in thirteen years. And of course, there have been other things thrown at me this year. My mother's illness, which, thank the gods, is easing thanks to the surgery that finally took place after the third try.

I've come to the conclusion this past year that the old cliche that women are more mature than men is just plain true. Women can certainly handle things better than men, anyway. The few partners I've had this year just couldn't handle it. They confuse sex with love and that's just not the way it is. And somehow I get accused of this. But I know where I stand, and can lay my head on my pillow knowing I've done nothing wrong.

I've discovered just what cowards people can be, and the horrible ends cowardice can lead to. I know how much of a threat my strength is to some people. I've found people who do not dabble in cowardice, nor do they play stupid little manipulative games. I have friends who appreciate strength, intelligence and honest in a person, and would never try to change me. They love me for me.

Everything this crappy year has thrown at me, I've handled. I've coped. I've survived. I am stronger now than I have ever been. 2008 can kiss my ass.