2008: A Year in Review

Please don't think that I'm going to attempt something as lofty as a review of the year's big news stories (Obama says it all), the year in music (did ANYTHING big happen in music this year besides the multiple breakdowns of various pop-tarts, most of whom have no talent anyway?) or the year in art, theatre, community, et al...

This is strictly a review of MY year, my personal hell, the year that had me feeling like Queen Latifah in "Last Holiday", looking up at the sky, asking my Higher Power, "seriously? are you fucking with me?". Practically from January 1, 2008, you could find me asking people (on a fairly regular basis) to just "wake my ass up in 2009" and screaming for Murphy to "get off my fuckin' doorstep!" (Note: Murphy = Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong, WILL.)

Numerologists predicted that 2008 would be a year of change and, for the first fucking time in my experience, the little bastards were right. Change isn't always easy, nor is it always good. The changes that 2008 brught to MY life were fucking HARD, although I'm sure that somewhere the Goddess is laughing gently, and whispering, "its for the best, my daughter."

I should have known from Day One that this year was going to throw some major curves my way, when the guy who said I was his best friend told me he loved me and screwed me over in the same breath outside my house on New Year's Day. And had the audacity to sit in judgement of me for actions he himself had taken. But, I digress...

The rest of Janary brought more of the same; people who were supposedly my friends showing their true colors, and the beginning of a cataclysmic event that still hasn't reached complete culmination. However, January also brought new friends to me, solid people, mature people, people who, if they haven't run screaming yet, aren't likely to, and people who truly understand the concept of friendship.

The rest of the Winter was fairly quiet, save Saint Patrick's Day weekend, when someone from my past came back to haunt me, and his tempertantrum would serve to bite me in the ass months down the line.

Spring was when the year really took off. May 11th (Mother's Day!) my husband told me he was leaving me. Now, rather than stick to his normal, stoic "we'll talk about it later", this was the ONE FUCKING TIME in thirteen bloody years that Greg decided to open his mouth when I confronted him about what the hell was going on inside his head. Are you kidding me? Most of the time it was like pulling teeth to get that man to talk, let alone speak about his feelings, and MOTHER'S DAY, he decides he's going to open up? What the hell?

Needless to say, I fell apart. Jaime, Goddess bless her, flew out of her mother's house, drove to Rockaway, picked me up and took me to my sister's, who, by the way, had just gotten her long-term girlfriend to move out the week before. (Our poor mother. She told me if our brother says he's getting divorced, she's gonna need a rubber room.)

Little did I know it was about to get worse. Greg had met someone on Second Life and had been seeing her (I knew about that part - we had an open relationship, when it was convenient for him, anyway). What I didn't know was that this woman had become more than just a "side piece". He was in love with her. By mid July, she had moved in with him, with her son and MY SON. I was NOT a happy camper, especially considering I was STILL living with my sister. (Ever try getting an apartment as a single mother with no income which to speak of? It's not easy)

Of course, Fate wasn't done fucking with me, as far as my friends go. Danny, a.k.a. the Hemorrhoid, who swore he would always be my friend, and had in fact stuck by me through some pretty rough shit (i.e., the crap back in January), decided that the psycho bitch he was seeing was way more important than any of his friends. I became persona non grata, and another one bit the dust. It was pathetic. She had him so pussy-whipped, I could SEE the little lip-shaped marks on his skin. And it wasn't just me. He walked away from my sister, and eventually Jaime washed her hands as well.

So August brought me my new apartment and a new school year and severe lack of funds. Greg seemed to think that by giving me the money from last year's tax refund and $150 every other month, I'd be able to survive til graduation. Ummm... NOT! He kept telling me to get a job, and I kept telling him I'm not Saint Anthony. I can't be in two places at once. I can't be at school and a job, nor can I be home taking care of my son at night and at a job. So October brought the ball rolling for legalities regarding child support.

November brought my son into a downward spiral like I've never seen before. His grades dropped, he became paranoid, and had MAJOR transference-guilt issues. He'd had a lot to deal with; his father and I separating, bouncing between two houses every month (not my idea), his father moving his new girlfriend and her son in (something I objected to), that girlfriend losing custody of her son... an adult would have difficulty coping... try being ten. Turned out he wants to live with me full time. Of course, he could have told me that before I agonized for weeks that he was going to hate me for filing for custody. Would have made my life a whole lot easier.

The holidays haven't been easy. Its all new to me, adjusting to being single for the first time in thirteen years. And of course, there have been other things thrown at me this year. My mother's illness, which, thank the gods, is easing thanks to the surgery that finally took place after the third try.

I've come to the conclusion this past year that the old cliche that women are more mature than men is just plain true. Women can certainly handle things better than men, anyway. The few partners I've had this year just couldn't handle it. They confuse sex with love and that's just not the way it is. And somehow I get accused of this. But I know where I stand, and can lay my head on my pillow knowing I've done nothing wrong.

I've discovered just what cowards people can be, and the horrible ends cowardice can lead to. I know how much of a threat my strength is to some people. I've found people who do not dabble in cowardice, nor do they play stupid little manipulative games. I have friends who appreciate strength, intelligence and honest in a person, and would never try to change me. They love me for me.

Everything this crappy year has thrown at me, I've handled. I've coped. I've survived. I am stronger now than I have ever been. 2008 can kiss my ass.

A Response to Ben Stein

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

--Ben Stein

"Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his god, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their "legislature" should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between church and State. Adhering to this expression of the supreme will of the nation in behalf of the rights of conscience, I shall see with sincere satisfaction the progress of those sentiments which tend to restore to man all his natural rights, convinced he has no natural right in opposition to his social duties." (Thomas Jefferson, 1802)

"We have solved, by fair experiment, the great and interesting question whether freedom of religion is compatible with order in government and obedience to the laws. And we have experienced the quiet as well as the comfort which results from leaving every one to profess freely and openly those principles of religion which are the inductions of his own reason and the serious convictions of his own inquiries." (Thomas Jefferson, 1808)

It's not that America has become an atheist state, but this country was founded on the principle of religious freedom (i.e. the Puritans escape during the English Civil War, and a number of religious groups from both France and Germany). The problem comes in when religion is shoved down your throat constantly, and is used as a "legitimate" reason for keeping mine and other people's rights from them.

Do I think "God" should be in the Pledge of Allegiance? Hell no. It wasn't when I was a kid. Do I think one should be able to practice their own faith without fear of ridicule or persecution from the law or anyone else in anyway? Hell yes. However, when our Commander in Chief uses the CHRISTIAN Bible as a guideline when deciding on non-sectarian LAW (i.e., gay marriage RIGHTS)... well, this strikes me as a problem.

If you believe, in your heart of hearts, that gay marriage is wrong, I don't fault you. However, why shouldn't gay couples be afforded the same rights as heterosexual couples? And I don't want to hear any of that nonsense about how civil unions give gay couples the same rights as a marriage. Does the term "separate but equal" ring any bells for anyone?

And what about abortion? The Bush Regime has been trying their hardest for eight years to overturn Roe v Wade. Thankfully, they've been unsuccessful. I understand if you don't believe in abortion. I personally would probably never have one myself, and I hope I never find myself having to make that decision, but I support a woman's right to choose. The government has NO RIGHT to tell me what to do with my body. With any luck, one of the first things Obama will do when he gets into office will be to sign the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA), and then MY rights to MY body are out of the MAN's hands.

Oh, and, Mr. Stein? The whole "it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees"? You're wrong.

People often ask me why I go "ape-shit" around the holidays, as my house often looks like Frosty and Rudolph threw up all over it. And the most common question I get asked is "why do you have a Christmas tree if you're Pagan?" The answer is I don't have a Christmas tree; I have a Yule tree. You fuckers stole it from us. (actually your ancestors stole it from our ancestors, but still... you get my drift...)

Think I'm kidding? For starters, watch for the History Channel special on it. They run it every year. Up until the late 1700s (I think) "Christmas" trees were BANNED in this country by the Puritans as being "too Pagan".

Early Germanic tribes would gather around a lit fir tree as a symbol of the return of the Light at Yule (the Winter Solstice).

Ancient Celts would chop down a fir tree - the only tree to survive the harsh winter - and it's base would become the Yule Log, while the rest of it was decorated with apples, for the Winter Solstice.

And, of course, there is the fact that the Catholic Church placed Christmas very specifically on the calendar, to coincide with the Rebirth of the Light (the Winter Solstice) in which the Goddess gives birth to the Sun.

A recent report was published that an astronomer in Australia used new computer software to chart the stars as they would have been in the year of Christ's birth, and it is scientifically impossible for him to have been born on December 25th. The software placed Christ's birth on June 17. Guess its time to send back those gifts, huh?

Homeschooling is still an option, right?

Like any mother, I've been having a lot of difficulty coming to grips with the fact that my baby is growing up. Sure, everyone teases me that soon my little boy will be taller than me, but reality gave me a swift but gut-wrenching bitchslap yesterday when my baby came home with his Junior High School applications. This process, of course, is far more elaborate now than it was when I went to Junior High twenty years ago, and it can be mind-spinning, for both the child and the parents.

However, I don't want to do to my child what was done to me, therefore I want him to have a lot of say in where he goes. Like his mother, my son is not a linear-thinking child, and thank the gods, there are a plethora of programs at good schools that focus on the arts.

That said, wherever he goes, I am going to worry. And no, I'm not a worrywart. My fears are founded and were reaffirmed today.

For Goddess' sake, I teach at a Junior High. I know exactly what these children are capable of, and I thought I'd heard everything. We've had kids thrown over desks, kids jumped after school (to the point of needing hospitalization), cops up at school questioning students. Today was the icing on the cake.

I have a student (I will call her Jane) who, for the most part, is a good student, but is the personification of the "rebellious teen". I always figured it was a front she put up for her peers. She has, on occasion, stormed out of the classroom, leaving me and my CT staring after her, forced to call the dean in, something we both LOATHE doing.

Today, Jane was just OFF. She didn't want to do the work, and was apparently feeling the pressure of being teased by her other teachers and classmates for the hickeys she was sporting. She flipped out and attempted to storm out. Again. I say attempted, because my CT blocked the door. Jane, in turn, stomped back to her seat and continually disrupted class to the point that her classmates reprimanded her, telling her to "cut it out because you're just digging yourself deeper".

In conversation with my CT after class, I learned that Jane has been a disciplinary case for quite awhile, ever since her mother passed away last year. This does not excuse her behavior, but it does give some insight into why she does what she does.

The worst was yet to come, however. I learned that she had been suspended for giving boys oral sex in the stairway.

What kind of environment have we created for our children? I didn't know that was at thirteen, which is how old Jane is. Where did we, as educators, go wrong? And this is the environment I'm sending my son into next year? What the hell am I thinking??