Defining an Ethical Slut

"Many people dream of living an open sexual life - of having all the sex and love and friendship they want."

That's the opening line of Chapter 1 of "The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities" bu Dossie Easton And Catherine A. Liszt. We all know that "slut" is a pejorative term, used to debase women who are highly sexual beings, women who have active, fulfilling, voracious sex lives, and don't necessarily conform to the "good girl" gender script. You know which one I'm talking about. The one that says "good" girls don't do "that" until they're married, or at least in love, and they're supposed to at least protest at little bit, and not like it at all. BULLSHIT. Women love sex just as much as men, so why shouldn't we be allowed to enjoy it??

Being an "ethical slut" is about several things. One, its about sex; all kinds of sex (between consenting adults, of course), having as much sex as you want, when you want, with who you want, with however many people at the same time, which gender, et al. Its about having all the sex you want without having to worry about retribution from society because you're a slut and a whore and "can't you keep it in your pants?" or "can't you keep your legs closed?" Its about maintaining the kind of lifestyle that ALLOWS you to have this kind of sex without it interfering in your everyday life.

Two, it's about taking the word back. I, personally, like the way a former lover of mine put it. "SLUT stands for 'Sexually Liberated Ultimate Temptress'". He may have been an asshole, but his acronym stuck with me.

Three, its about demanding equal treatment for both male and female "sluts". How many times have you heard that its ok for a man to "fuck everything on two legs and a heartbeat" but if a woman does it, she's a whore? Know why? Because our society frowns on women being hypersexual, but not on men. It's hypocrisy, a double standard.

Four, its about keeping an open mind to other peoples' sexual appetites, and YOUR OWN. One lover may provide you with the gentle one-on-one love-making you desire, while another gives you the drive-you-to-your-knees, make-you-sing-the-Hallelujah-chorus rough fucking you require, while yet another is willing to participate in group and/or BDSM sessions with you. Just as you have your own needs and desires, others do too. Don't knock anyone else's fetishes or kinks, because you wouldn't want someone to knock yours.

Five, its about being SAFE. No one wants to get sick and you don't want to get anyone else sick. ASSUME POSITIVE. Don't bother asking for test results, because even if they were done YESTERDAY, they're still three months out of date.

And last but not least, it's about respect. This may be your way of life. It's not for everyone. You can be in a relationship and still be an ethical slut as long as your partner agrees to it, and is comfortable with it (key word there? comfortable). A relationship does not have to equal monogamy, but for many, it does. If this truly makes your partner uncomfortable, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship, and see how willing YOU are to give up your way of life.

In the end, only you can decided what to do. Maybe monogamy is right for you. You can be an ethical slut and be monogamous (Hypersexuality doesn't necessarily mean multiple partners; it means you like to fuck - a lot). Maybe monogamy isn't right for you. What matters is what feels good in YOUR head, in YOUR heart and to YOUR body. Don't let anyone else take that decision from you.